Little Spouse On The Prairie: Hole In My Bucket

Jul 23, 2018

I’m starting out today with a shout out to the Kansas City musician, Kelly Werts, who composed the theme song for this show, “The Little House Rag.”  I’d like to thank Kelly for writing such a catchy little ditty.  You can hear more of his folksy music at wertsmusic.com. 

While we’re on the subject of music, I may as well fill you in on how different Joel’s and my musical tastes are.  A person who doesn’t like country music on the High Plains is practically committing sacrilege. 

That’s why I try to keep my tepid-at-best-enjoyment of the genre in the closet.  But, as listeners know by now, I can’t hide my true thoughts very well, especially from Joel, who is a classic country western lover.  The drunker the lead singer sounds while touting the joys of whiskey and loose women, the better Joel likes the music.

Whenever Joel sanctimoniously comments on the crudity of some of the hip-hop I enjoy, I just remind him of a couple of actual country lyrics I’ve heard while riding in his truck.  Here are a few of my personal favorites: “You’re the Reason our Baby’s so Ugly,” “My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus,” and “I Just Bought a Car from The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We’re Even.” 

I don’t mind that Joel loves country.  I’m glad he enjoys music, as I consider it a vital part of fulfillment in life.  It’s just that I want him to appreciate the music I like as well.  I don’t need him to renounce country; I need him to acknowledge that other genres may have merit too.  I’m happy to listen to some twang and sorrowful guitar in his vehicle, as long as he is willing to listen to a bit of pop, hip-hop, and show tunes in mine. 

Joel claims that we could learn a lot about our relationship by listening to country music.  I’d like to remind him that one lyric I heard went, “Mamma, Get a Hammer, There’s a Fly on Daddy’s Head.” He swears he’s not talking about songs like that when he suggests we use Merle, Willie, and George as our marriage counselors.  He assures me, he’s talking about sappy love songs that almost bring a tear of love to his eye -- songs like, “I Wanna Check You for Ticks.” 

He did admit that he could really relate to the tune that came out a few years ago that went, “It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew your *** Out All Day Long.” He’s nearly positive that the song, “If I Had Shot you when I Wanted To, I’d be Out by Now” does not have any messages to offer us as a couple.  I told him I thought he should stick by the advice in, “You Can’t have your Kate, and Edith Too.” 

Oh, we can find a few things in common in our musical tastes.  I do like folksy, traditional songs. Much to my kids’ chagrin, I love to sing along with, “There’s a Hole in the Bucket.”  Now there’s a song that has relevant lyrics.  When I was a kid and we sang the song in music class, I always thought it was silly.  Why doesn’t Henry just go and fix the dang bucket?  Why does he need to consult poor Liza at every turn?  I will tell you why.  It’s because Liza is the hub of the family.  Literally, everything that Henry does, bless his heart, has to be approved of and suggested by Liza. 

Joel, otherwise known as “Big Spouse,” is incredibly hard-working, but, like Henry, he really likes approval. While I think I make it abundantly clear in Little Spouse that I deeply love Joel and recognize that I am incredibly lucky to have found one of the eight decent men on the planet, I do take many opportunities to poke affectionate fun at him.  Thankfully, Joel assures me, he’ll never, ever, as Johnny Cash so eloquently puts it, flush me from the “bathroom of his heart.”

Follow Little Spouse at facebook.com/littlespouseontheprairie or on Twitter at SpouseOnThePrairie@ValerieKuchera. Have a great week.