I’ll never understand the content of modern kid videos. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up without a television, and I’m just out of touch with video media in general. But seriously, what’s the deal with these “unboxing” videos?
My son will watch Youtube videos of 35-year-old guys taking their latest Lego purchases out of a shipping box, and saying things like, “Dude, this is the latest iteration of the Millenium Falcon. Unlike the 16th and 17th versions, which contained only 4726 and 4728 pieces respectively, this particular box contains 4732 pieces!
But watch out. Those additional four or five blocks are going to hit your wallet, as this just-released set costs 752 bucks. That’s bank, man. But the investment value is worth it. Projections are that this unopened box could be worth nearly a thousand dollars by 2040.”
I guess I don’t mind if he watches those kinds of videos. I’m sure there are worse on Youtube. By why should I have to watch them too? It never fails that between my ninth and tenth loads of laundry of Saturday afternoon, Dashiell will holler, “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, you’ve got to see this. You’re gonna flip when you see this, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.”
I’ll respond, “Okay, honey. Be right there.” Then, between my fourteenth and fifteenth loads of laundry, I’ll come to see what is so astounding. Unfortunately, my radar for the shocking must be off-kilter. I’ll watch ten minutes of these 35-year-old guys (presumably between their own loads of laundry – or maybe during breaks from working on their dissertations), and I won’t see anything striking, other than the prices of the toys they are taking out of boxes. God forbid that I insert any editorial comments, such as, “Gee, that box of blocks costs more than our house payment.” If I let something like that slip, I’m in for a major take-down.
“Seriously, Mom? Box of blocks? These are not blocks. These are collectors’ items. This set is one of a kind. They are only making 300,000 of this set.”
My best bet is to “ooh” and “ahh” throughout the video, hoping that one of my exclamations of emphatic wonderment will coincide with whatever it is he found so awe-inspiring.
My little one is also entranced with “unboxing” videos. She begs to watch this show in which the hands and voices of two moms interact with small toys. These two ingenious women use high-pitched voices to play with toys they either dig out of a glob of Play-Doh or pry out of those little plastic balls from bubble gum machines. “Oooh! Look what I got! I found a Bitty-Itty-Kitty-Unicorn-Lollipop-Sippy-Cup-Booboo-Doll. Yay! This one has a glittery pink horn, and I only have four of those. Wonder what I’ll get in the next one. Could it be a Yummy-Tummy-Gummy-Puff-Puff-Pony-Ring?”
You may be wondering why I called these two silly moms ingenious. But let me tell you – they’re making so much money off of this venture that they can pay someone else to do their 46 loads of weekend laundry, and they don’t even have to put on makeup to do it! Meanwhile, I plan to pay off my second masters with the added income I just know I’ll make once I finish my Ph.D.
I do like to watch a few Youtube videos from time to time, of course. I’m not immune to those riveting book reviews or documentaries about 17th-century textiles or the gradual proliferation of mold spore growth. Hey – did you know mold spores won’t eat a Happy Meal? Oddly, my kids turn down opportunities for additional screen time when I try to get them to watch with me. I’d like to chat more, but I need to go watch some Youtube reviews of socks before I go school shopping for the kids.
Follow Little Spouse at facebook.com/littlespouseontheprairie or on Twitter at SpouseOnThePrairie@ValerieKuchera .