OLATHE, Kansas — Jonathan and Katie Stahl’s living room is filled with fun games and toys that any adolescent boy would enjoy, like pop-a-shot and foam dart guns.
Their home has offered a safe haven to nearly 100 Kansas boys in foster care over the last decade. The purpose of the toys is to remind these young boys, who often arrive at the Stahl’s home with a criminal record, that they are still children.
“For them to have fun and do silly things and be kids has been so important for us,” Jonathan said.
Over the years, the Stahls became a reliable foster home for high-need children who had run-ins with the law. These are children in the state’s custody that are the least likely to find a permanent home.
Jonathan said the family has worked with drug and alcohol therapists, probation officers and mental health professionals to provide each of them with support. Many of those boys have left gangs, reached sobriety, graduated from high school and found permanent placements with families.
One of those foster children, who Jonathan chose not to name for his privacy, ended up staying at the Stahls’ home for good. When he turned 15, the boy’s biological parents asked the Stahls to permanently take him in as his legal guardians.
Jonathan said the boy’s criminal history and drug use is scary on paper, but he proved to be a great addition to the home.
“He was the sweetest kid,” Jonathan said. “I just remember he had these sad, big brown eyes when he came in.”
But a few years ago, when he turned 18, their home was flipped upside down. The Stahls' son was now an adult with a criminal record from his youth. The Kansas foster care system and its licensing regulations say the other four foster children in the home at the time could not live with him.
The Stahls were forced to choose between kicking their son out of their home or stop fostering the other four boys. They ultimately made the difficult decision to ask their son to move out, while the boys still in foster care remained with them.
While they believed their son had the skills to find a job and stay sober, he eventually relapsed and now lives out of state. Jonathan said he and his wife carried guilt for a long time, and their son still struggles to understand his place in the family.
“It was a really difficult decision,” Jonathan said, “and I don’t know if there was a right answer.”
Child welfare advocates and state lawmakers are working to change the state law that’s unintentionally tearing these families apart.
A bill proposed by foster care contractor KVC Kansas would allow former foster children to stay in the home into adulthood. It would have allowed the Stahls' son to remain with the family while they continued to operate as a foster home.
That change could prevent other foster families from having to choose between their adopted children and the foster license that allows them to care for some of the most vulnerable children in the state’s custody.
Angela Hedrick, vice president of operations for KVC Kansas, said several other foster families have run into the same issue and that’s hurting the Kansas foster care system.
“This bill will hopefully impact our ability to retain those families because we need every single one of them,” she said.
Difficult decision
The Stahls did their best to fight against making the decision. Jonathan said state officials and KVC Kansas wanted the adopted son to stay with the Stahls. But the way foster care licensing regulations were written made it impossible — their hands were tied.
Jonathan said he and his wife feared what would happen to the four foster children, who had all been in their home for multiple years at that point. They were all teenagers with gang and drug backgrounds.
“I knew that they would probably be bouncing from home to home or they would be put in a group home,” Jonathan said.
So they asked their son to move out. They believed he had a better chance at surviving on his own because he had reached sobriety and still had access to therapy through the family.
But their son moved in with friends, who eventually led him back to dangerous situations.
Meanwhile, the other four boys did well. The Stahls eventually adopted them as well. Jonathan said some are adults now who are now thriving. They are all out of gangs and sober. One of them has twin daughters, making the Stahls grandparents.
Despite that success, Jonathan said he knows that was only possible because of the sacrifice of their first son.
“That comes with a high cost to one kid and that breaks my heart,” Jonathan said.
Hedrick said the Stahls did the right thing by adopting their foster child to give him a permanent home. But they were punished by state law anyway.
The state does not know how many foster families have been affected by the law because it’s not data that is tracked, but Hedrick knows of several who have suffered the same dilemma.
Additionally, she said some foster families are likely choosing not to adopt their foster children because they know the law would cause the same problem for them.
“They saw the writing on the wall,” Hedrick said.
A chance for change
A bill in the Kansas Legislature could ensure no other Kansas foster family has to make the same impossible choice.
The proposed bill would allow an adult up to 26 years old who has a criminal record from their youth to live in a licensed foster home. It also creates a process for foster families to appeal to the state to keep their licenses when the adult is even older.
Jonathan recently asked lawmakers to support changing the law for the sake of the thousands of children who need safe homes, many of whom are escaping dangerous situations like gangs.
“I do ask that you consider this for the sake of those kids that are in care that have made mistakes, that struggle,” Jonathan said, “and for the sake of parents so that there's not an obstacle for people wanting to adopt a kid who has struggled.”
Rebecca Gerhardt, director of permanency and licensing for the Department for Children and Families, said the state agency supports the bill because it could help recruit and retain foster families in the state.
The agency’s ultimate goal with foster care is to find a permanent home, whether that be returning the child to their biological parents, or permanent placements like adoption and guardianship.
But the law as it stands today makes it harder for families serving foster children with criminal histories to take that step.
“Any time we have families who want to continue to foster who can't,” Gerhardt said, “that harms our ability to achieve permanency and to achieve a stable placement.”
The bill has so far resonated with lawmakers, who have overwhelmingly supported it. The proposal received a unanimous vote in the Kansas House. A Senate committee is expected to take up the bill this week.
Democratic Rep. Jarrod Ousley said on the House floor that making the changes would ensure other families do not have to make the same impossible choice as the Stahls.
“If we can eliminate that decision and keep kids safe,” Ousley said. “I think this is a good thing to do.”
Dylan Lysen reports on social services and criminal justice for the Kansas News Service. You can email him at dlysen (at) kcur (dot) org.
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