Little Spouse On The Prairie: Dropping The Ball

Jan 5, 2019

The transition to a new year brings resolutions to change for the better. Our family members typically make a resolution or two, but we aren’t ones to write out our intentions in blood.  Maybe if we did, I’d have an easier time keeping them, but as it stands, apparently, I have unresolvable issues. 

The New Year holiday just isn’t that big of a deal in my family.  The kids don’t really get into it because there aren’t any gifts involved.  Besides, I don’t even want my kids to follow this dumb tradition. I’d rather just pretend that if they had made New Year’s resolutions, they would have kept their rooms cleaner or they would have practiced piano more or they would have done their homework without complaining.  What a handy fall-back to rely on! 

Somehow, I feel better saying, “Whelp, if only those sweet kiddos would have made a New Year’s resolution to do their chores responsibly, they’d be working their little fannies off on the laundry at this very moment.  Oh well!  Next year, we’ll know better for sure.”

Joel and I typically make a feeble attempt to ring in the New Year by staying up until a quarter after nine or so.  There have been times when Joel’s snoring has awakened me at precisely midnight.  If I manage to remember that it’s New Year’s Eve, I make it a point to give him a big fat smack on the lips – with the pillow.  Sometimes, I’ll even hold it there for a moment of real intimacy.

Instead of making a big promise to lose weight or drink more water or travel more often, I kind of wish we could adopt some of the New Year’s traditions of other countries. According to The History Channel, only about eight percent of people even keep their resolutions anyway. Why not celebrate getting through another year without killing each other rather than adopting some new miserable habit that’s bound to make the next year even crappier than the last?

I read that people in Greece bake gold coins into cakes and pass them out as treats. Cash and cake sounds better to me than beginning a new diet. Apparently, the Chinese eat dumplings and the Japanese eat noodles to ring in the new year. Pasta almost always puts me in a positive frame of mind. Heck, I’d even settle for the tradition in Spain, where people eat 12 grapes in the seconds before the change to the next year (I’d most likely eat more than 12, but hey, at least I’m taking in calories instead of swearing them off).

A friend of mine from South Korea told me in her country, people celebrate by buying new clothes.  This seems entirely sensible to me, since I typically need to go up a few sizes after my holiday feasting.

Joel has actually been among the eight percent who have kept resolutions a few times.  He once resolved to play 1000 holes of golf in a year.  Nailed it!  He once resolved to watch every episode of Andy Griffith in a year.  Nailed it - TWICE!  He once resolved never to date any shallow women, such as lingerie models. Ka-Boooooom! He stuck to his protein diet resolution like cold bacon grease sticks to a skillet! I think we should all take a page out of the Joel New Year’s Resolution Book. 

Although I may resolve not to offend any lingerie models by calling them shallow, other than that, I would guess this year will probably be like any other for me.  While the city-folks are dropping the ball in New York City, I’ll probably be dropping multiple balls here on the High Plains.  I certainly can’t seem to keep them all in the air at once these days! 

Here’s hoping all you listeners will be among the eight percent!  Please make a resolution to listen to High Plains Public Radio’s Little Spouse on the Prairie at 8:35 Sunday mornings, or catch the archived episodes at facebook.com/littlespouseontheprairie or on Twitter at SpouseOnThePrairie@ValerieKuchera.