Alice’s Mental Health

Hello everyone, this is Miriam Scott. I was born and raised in Germany and now live with my American husband and three teenage kids in Amarillo Texas where I am a priest for the Episcopal Church of St. Andrew.

It has been a long time since I read Alice in Wonderland before this radio show. I vaguely remember thinking that this must be the weirdest book ever written. And I remember thinking, what even was the point of this book? What in the name of sanity did I just read? My 9- or 10-year-old brain could not see any rhyme or reason, any conclusion, any satisfying end. It kind of left me on edge.

As a young adult, of course, I had figured out, or more likely my peers had informed me, that there is no way Lewis Caroll was sober while writing this novel. And we are not talking about alcohol here. Eventually I watched the movie made by Disney. That only reassured me in my opinion: Alice in Wonderland was written during a or a series of chemically induced hallucinations. In other words: Lewis Caroll was tripping.

And yet, this time around while reading it, I discerned a theme in the book. Alice is either too big or too small. It is a rather sad theme of people feeling either that they are too much, or that they are not good enough. But almost never just right. And while this book was written in 1865, I dare say that a lot of people, if not the majority of people today feel like we are too much. Or that we are not enough.

And in this time, where being busy and financially well is seemingly the only measure of success, only a few people have the time, means, and will to invest in their mental wellbeing.

For people who can afford it, a doctor can prescribe medication that deals with the symptoms of compromised mental health. For people that cannot afford it or don’t want to have the stigma of the diagnosis of ill mental health, people self-medicate. Neither of these options offers a solution, it’s only a stop-gap-measure.

Like Alice, taking a sip of that or a bite of this, we try to find equilibrium for ourselves, we try to be just right.

Don’t take me wrong: I am an advocate for medication in the mental health field. As a matter of fact, they help me. They help me be brave enough to go to therapy, to get to the bottom of my problems without shying away. Medication can help you get closer to an equilibrium.

I hope I don’t need to point out that self-medicating is never a good idea, but let it be said anyway. But with proper chemical help when needed and a therapy suited for you, we all can live a more rational, more fulfilling life.

There is just this: like Alice in Wonderland and Lewis Caroll, we will never get it just right. And maybe that was the point of the book. It was a way to say: relax, nothing is under control.

I’m Miriam Scott for HPPR Radio Readers Book Club. I hope you tune in again next time.