This book may contain language, sexual content, and themes of grief and loss, which may be challenging for some readers. Reader caution advised.
Grief and the Courage to Forgive
by Mildred Rugger
Hi, everyone. This is Mildred Rugger from Canyon, Texas, for the 2025 Fall Read of HPPR Radio Readers Book Club.
As I did my usual pre-reading overview of American Mother by Colum McCann with Diane Foley, I felt like this book would take me for an emotionally heavy ride. Did I want to take a deep dive into the story of the mother of Jim Foley right now? You may remember from 2014 that Jim Foley was an American journalist who was imprisoned and beheaded by ISIS, as recorded in a shocking video seen around the world. And did I really want to know right now what happened when Mrs. Foley spoke directly with one of Jim’s captors? What a painful experience!
It's not that I hide my head in the sand, pretending that suffering does not exist. As a deacon in the Episcopal Church, my call is to serve those in need and to tell the church about the world’s needs. So, I’m aware of suffering. Right now, it feels like there is a lot of suffering in the world. It weighs on me.
My hesitation about reading American Mother right now was overcome by some phrases on the back cover: “the transformative power of empathy,” “a portrait of forgiveness,” “a literary song of grace.” Once I started reading, I did not want to stop. Sure, the pain of cruelty, torture, injustice, betrayal, and grief weighed on me. But at the same time, the book provided wonderful examples of resilience and courage and, like the back cover promised, of empathy and forgiveness and grace. In the end, I was encouraged, allowing me to face the suffering of today with more strength.
I was especially struck by Mrs. Foley’s journey into grief and her journey toward forgiveness. Both journeys have taken years. They have both been filled with ups and downs. They have both involved learning to see persons as a complicated mix of good and bad.
Mrs. Foley’s journey into grief has included a wide range of experiences and emotions: deep sadness and confusion, along with laughter and growing insight. She has found solace in her faith. She has revisited family memories. She has listened to Jim’s friends and colleagues tell stories she had never heard before. She has also worked to ensure that his death would become a catalyst for positive change. Her grief has not disappeared, but she has come to a place of greater peace.
Mrs. Foley’s journey toward forgiveness has involved humanizing someone who had treated Jim inhumanely. When she met Jim’s captor, she treated him with respect and kindness. She developed empathy for him by listening carefully to his story. She refused to define him exclusively by the worst thing he had done.
Mrs. Foley has undertaken both journeys with integrity, courage, and faith. I’m grateful that she shared her journeys with us.
This is Mildred Rugger for HPPR Radio Readers Book Club, wishing us all the courage to journey into grief and journey toward forgiveness.
